Regardless of political sympathies, if Obama’s victory and his brilliant acceptance speech didn’t fill you with awe, then you have no sense of what constitutes a great historical moment and should seek employment in the Norwegian daily Dagbladet, whose main headline after the fall of the Berlin wall was an interview with a psychiatrist who thinks swearing is healthy for kids.
Obama’s overwhelming victory (including 43 % of the white vote) proved that the American political system has a capacity for change. Its sclerotic Italian counterpart has no such thing, but Italians are blessed with other talents. This gentleman and many others, armed with freshly printed white sheets of paper, took to the streets to defend the President Elect after Berlusconi made a joke about Obama being ‘young, handsome and a litte bit tanned’. In his eagerness to stand up for America’s future president, the sensitive Italian to the left did some interesting things to his face.
Trying to imagine what goes on inside this person’s head poses a challenge for the most imaginative mind. Was he trying to profit from affirmative action laws and get admitted to Harvard?
We know that the family is the cornerstone in Italian society and if you have seen the Godfather you know that family gatherings don’t include just Grandma and Grandpa, are treated with utmost seriousness and if you’re not up to the task it can have fatal consequences for you. Are we dealing with a dedicated family man who takes his role as Santa Claus on the annual Christmas family dinner so seriously that he regularly practices climbing down chimneys?
Or could it simply be Roberto Saviano, the Italian author who is hiding from the Comorra mafia, doing his best to conceal his identity so that the bloodthirsty mafia will not recognize him? Like he’s poking his nose at his persecutors: ‘Look, here I am, right in front of your noses, but because of my brilliant disguise you’re missing out on yet another chance to take my life.’
As so often in life, Donald Duck comes to the rescue. Our politically conscious Italian friend looks exactly like a citizen of Duckburg who has just survived an explosion. Is he a member of Brigate Rosse who has just returned from an unsuccessful attempt to blow up the Milan headquarters of Berlusconi’s media empire?
While we ponder our elusive Italian friend’s motives, let us move to that other Catholic superpower in Europe, The Republic of Poland. Artur Gorski, a parliamentarian from Poland’s 2nd largest party, PiS, shared his views on the American election with his colleages in the Polish Parliament, referring to Obama as ‘The black messiah of the new left’: "Obama is an approaching catastrophe. This marks the end of the white man's civilisation.”
This has had some coverage internationally, but most English-language media seem to leave out my favourite part.
In Obama’s office hang four portraits: Thurgood Marshall, the first black Supreme Court Judge, Muhammed Ali, the black boxing champion, Mahatma Gandhi, the great champion of peace, and President Abraham Lincoln, who crushed the American South and abolished slavery. Today, with the votes of his electorate, Obama, the black Messiahs of the new left, crushed the Republican candidate John McCain.
Mr Gorski, who has a doctorate from one of Poland’s Catholic universities, is doing his best to make the most cryptic Medieval scholastic seem like a model of clarity compared to himself, but what I think it boils down to here, is that Obama’s admiration for Lincoln should be used against him. Thanks to Mr Gorski’s attentive mind, the world now knows that Obama cannot be trusted on the vital issue of slavery. He might even be against it, like his idol Abraham Lincoln.
My only point of criticism to Mr Gorski is this: If you sat on this piece of information, why did you keep it to yourself until after the election? If the American voters had known that the Democratic candidate does not stand firmly behind the institution of slavery, they would have kicked Obama back to Chicago/Hawaii/Indonesia/Kenya where he belongs.
CDHN has a theory why. Two years ago, Mr Gorski headed a group of 46 parliamentarians who wanted to crown Jesus Christ Poland’s eternal king. However, this brave bill was rejected by the majority. Although this constituted no impediment in his political career - the industrious Gorski was duly given a second term by the voters in last year’s Parliamentary elections – it must have left him with a sense of bitterness. ‘I came up with this great bill and they didn't even pass it.’ Perhaps this lingering bitterness explains why he chose not to disclose information that could have saved the White Man’s Civilization from impedning doom.
Our final Catholic stop is Austria, who are struggling hard to improve their image after certain family-related incidents last summer. With this statement from Klaus Emmerich, the former news editor of their national TV station, they seem to be on the right track. Well done and keep trying, Austrians!
Klaus Emmerich (left) taking advise from Austria's new image consultant.